Dear Jaden, a letter to my son

For as far back as I can remember, I wished for you. I dreamed of your existence when I was 5. I never wanted anything more than I wanted you.

When I found out I was pregnant, it was the most amazing feeling. It was scary and wonderful at the same time. My life was at a standstill and I didn't know where you would fit in, but I knew that you would. I didn't know it, but I had a Jaden-shaped hole in my heart and it was your perfect place.

It took me a long time to bond with you but when I did, it was intense. We've been inseparable ever since!

I'm supposed to be teaching you about life, but you teach me everyday what life really is. I hope I never stop learning from you. I love seeing the world through your eyes. Your tiny little self grew me up. I have never before worried like I worry over you.

I know you are going to go far and succeed in whatever you want to do. You are already driven and detail oriented. Your memory is a special gift- I've never met anyone with a memory like yours. Use it well. Everywhere we go, you make a friend. Never lose that love for other people.

I love to just watch you exist. I have watched you breathe, watched you sleep, watched you grow before my very eyes. You make me proud everyday. You love so passionately, sometimes you can't even handle it. You're just a little guy, have patience with yourself and others. Be kind and forgiving, especially to yourself.

I love to hear you sing, watch you dance, listen to you talk. You brought our family together... done so much in a short time. You just turned 5 and though I love to watch you grow and enjoy you more and more everyday, I wish you would stay my innocent little baby forever. Luckily, you will ALWAYS be mommy's precious baby.

Stand tall, my first born son. You are far more important than you realize, loved no matter what, cared about by so many.

I love you and your brothers equally, but I will have always loved you the longest.

I'll peek into your bed in the morning, watch you breathe and sleep. Put your blankey near your mouth to get a glimpse of your sucky face. "Pet" your back and cover you up. And enjoy every minute of you!